Nebraska fans, lend him your ears -- and more Simers wants to experience the run-up to the USC game with Cornhuskers fans, if any are willing to show him what their lives are like. July 31 2007 I am writing this now to give the overland stage time to get it there. USC will be playing in Nebraska on Sept. 15, and I will be joining the greatest football team ever assembled as they strike out into the wilderness. If possible, I'd like to spend time boarding with some corn cobs, maybe getting a smell of what it's like to be around livestock — then leaving Lincoln to move around the state and spend a few days here and there. A stop in Wahoo at the Wigwam Café is probably a good start, but I was thinking it'd be interesting to stay with a real-live-boring Cornhuskers family somewhere out on the prairie so I can feel what it's like to have nothing to look forward to in my life other than a Saturday afternoon football game. I'll be going to Nebraska early in the football week, and while I'm not sure what corn cob hospitality is like, I'd like to remind folks that when they came to L.A., I tried to help. Remember when the Cornhuskers came to the big city to lose in the Rose Bowl? Everyone here knows there are no individual seats — just long benches for the skinny people who live here. I was looking out for the corn-fed porkers, of course, including all their big-butted women, when I told them that if everyone sat down after the anthem, there were going to be people falling atop each other at the end of each row. A number of corn cobs e-mailed to say they were unhappy with Page 2 but thrilled now to have their very own Internet machines. They also wanted to tell me about their wonderful lives, kids and the modern facilities being built right down there by the creek. Well, there's nothing like a Wal-Mart coming to town to excite the locals, so I was thrilled for them. But for some reason that didn't come across in our correspondence, and there might still be some hard feelings. I got to thinking last summer, though, as I drove the family-that-I-used-to-love across Nebraska in a RV what it must be like to actually live there most every day of your life. I can't remember for sure if it was Nebraska or Kansas where I saw a tree, but it just seemed as if there wasn't much there. That's why the corn cobs love their football. It's all they have, everyone wearing red, and sitting there like plump, ripe tomatoes with corncobs stuck to their heads, singing, "There is no place like Nebraska." Hard to argue. There's not a 7-Eleven in the entire state, thousands of people never once tasting a Slurpee, which got me wondering whether I could live that way for a whole week. I know there aren't a whole lot of cities in Nebraska, but I'm willing to spend a few days out yonder with a family if someone would like to show me what it's like to live without DirecTV and not ask me to kill a chicken for dinner. I can play checkers if forced, though, or make a run to the Feed Store. Right now I'm willing to go wherever the corn cobs tell me to go, and while several have already done that, I'd like to see for myself they're not talking about some place in Nebraska.
That's pretty funny. I wonder if he'll announce who he is in a bar in Lincoln to see if anybody will buy him beers!!
Dear TJ of the LA Times...... I can understand your concerns about our lifestyle...In my hometown of Crete, Nebraska, located about 20 miles southwest of Lincoln, Our lifestyle is certainly 'Un Californiaiish'. Do you realize that: 1. I live 1/4 mile from my Veterinary Clinic so my commute to work is all of 20 seconds. 2. I live in a house with about 5000 sq. ft....own 7 acres, and can catch a 5 lb bass, right off of my deck. 3. I live about 1/2 mile from 'gangs' of Turkey, deer, Canadian Geese and bobcats and none of them are 'armed'. 4. Your Pete Carrol coached guys have had a nice run of 58-6 these past 5 years which is second only to my Huskers who went 60 and 3 from 93-97 with 3 National Championships. 5. I can spell 'Murder' but there hasn't been one in these parts for at least my 50 years. 6. My house has a lock on its door.....but we have never had to use it. 7. In Crete, People spend $100,000 on houses......not cars 8. When I go to church, I care about the other 300 members because I have known most of them....most of my life. 9. My kids can walk to school and walk around downtown and in shopping malls without a guarded escort. 10.On a clear day, I can see the Capital 25 miles away......I'm not even sure what 'Smog' is. 11.......And last but not least......I am about 4 fairway woods from a golf course where it costs $9 to play. I would invite you to spend some time with me the week before the USC game, but our village already has an idiot and currently, we are not advertising for anyone else to take his place.......As Always in Huskerville...GFL
Go the other way <t>Gunner,<br/> Go the other route. Tell him how terrible the place is, how ignorant the people, how bad the shopping is, how bad the roads are, etc., etc.,that way if you are lucky he won't show and you won't have to put up with the carpetbagger!</t>