WEDNESDAY NIGHT: Larry The Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular 9PM on VH-1 December 4... Git-R-Done! Well were headed towards Christmas and I hope ya got your shopping done. I took my little boy and made the mistake of dressing him in one of the 50 camo one-zees he received from relatives and I lost him in the Christmas tree section of Wal-Mart! I had to tell the manager that if anyone comes across a two foot tall pine tree that smells like crap to find me. Kids are something else. My one month old this morning was crying and it didn't matter what position she was in, she'd still cry. I'd put her on her side, she'd cry, I'd lay her down, she'd cry, I'd cuddle her and she'd cry. Then I would hold her over my shoulder and she'd cry. Then she looked at me and threw up on my feet. It really reminded me a lot of my wife on our honeymoon! I think I ate to much fiber on Thanksgiving. I took a poop the other day and it ricocheted around the bowl and broke the soap dish! Thank God I caught it before it hit the shower door. So anyway, I was taping the girls gone wild commercial the other day because I'm too cheap to buy the DVD. When that was over I checked out the news. They said that Neil Diamond said the song "Sweet Caroline" was about Caroline Kennedy. And then this morning he shocked us again by sayin that he wrote the song "Cracklin' Rosie" after he sat next to Rosie O'Donnell on an airplane while she was eating pork rinds! Whoda thunk it! Just a quick note... I wasn't named People's sexiest man alive this year however I did come in 14th on the ESPN Coaches poll. I was supposed to be on Leno tonight (December 4), however it was cancelled because of the writers strike. I will say right now, I support all the writers in this except for the ones that wrote anything for UPN, the caveman show, and the guy that came up with Jar Jar Binks. Other than those people, march on! It looks like Oprah came out in support of Barack Obama. It was also learned that Sally Jesse Raphael has announced she actually died 4 years ago. Ok enough of that. December 5th, which is tomorrow, or tonight depending on when you're reading this, is my Christmas Spectacular variety show on VH-1. I'd like to thank everyone at VH-1 for their support and realizing you needed to bring a little class to the network. This is a variety show for the ages! Nothing says Christmas variety like Tony Orlando, Kid Rock, Vicki Lawrence Flavor Flav, strippers, and midgets! Not to mention it was all filmed in Vegas! Not since David Bowie sang along with Bing Crosby has there been a show of this magnitude! So be there in front of the TV on Wednesday night at 9pm for this groundbreaking variety show. I hope ya like it. And also remember the DVD of the show comes out on Thursday. Also check out My Playlist on VH1.com. These are some my picks with commentary for some of the best, worst, and dumbest videos in history. Finally, don't forget to catch some laughs on MyBlueCollar.com. This site is really kicking ass and thanks to everyone so far that have checked it out. That's the update for now and IÕ'll check back in with ya in a couple days. GIT-R-DONE! Larry The Cable Guy *The preceding script was for entertainment purposes only. If you're uptight, humorless, and P.C. in any way, please exit the site! Don't read this and then bitch and moan later on about it. I can't stress enough, life's too short so get over yourself. Now... me and my fans cordially invite you to pucker up and kiss our collective asses!