A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered. "So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, that might be OK in California and Oregon, but we're not having any of that crap in Texas.
Two Irishmen met and one said to the other, "Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?" Pat said, "Well, I have and I haven't." His friend asked, "well what d'ye mean by that?" Pat said, "It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us."
8) Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I had sex with a girl." "Who was it, Tommy?" "I cannot tell you father" "Was it Margaret Sullivan? Was it Catherine McKenzie?" "No father, please forgive me, I cannot tell you who it was." "Okay, Tommy, go say 5 Hail Mary's and 4 Our Fathers." So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend and co-conspirator Timmy was waiting. "What did ya get?" asked Timmy. "Well I got 5 hail Mary's, 4 Our Fathers, and 2 good leads."