Injun Days

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  1. JO'Co

    JO'Co Well-Known Member

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    Elizabeth Warren and the Indians: Secret emails revealed

    Home - by Cardigan - May 17, 2012 - 18:00 America/New_York - 14 Comments

    The Daily Caller

    TheDC Satire: As her efforts to prove that she has Cherokee ancestry became increasingly desperate, Democratic Massachusetts Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren reached out to a Native American leader earlier this month and asked for help. The Daily Caller has exclusively obtained the emails Warren sent to, and received from, the Native American leader, and they are reprinted here for the first time, in their entirety, and without comment.

    FROM: Elizabeth Warren
    TO: Undisclosed recipient
    Date: May 1, 2012

    Great Father,

    As I’m sure you know by now, my opponent – a white man – disputes my connection to the tribe and our native soil. As our people say, “something only lives as long as the last person who remembers it,” which is why I need your help.

    We struggle now to overcome the white man’s lies, but their untruths spread like great wildfires across the plains.

    Scott Brown’s family history is written in blood, while ours lives in the oral tradition of our people. Now I need official identification to prove myself. Can you help me prove that we are kin?

    - Sister Liz

    FROM: Ted O’Connell
    TO: Elizabeth Warren
    Date: May 2, 2012

    Howdy Hao Sister Liz,

    It seems like you’re in quite the predicament! Fortunately, I think we at Cherokee Ted’s Resort and Casino can be of service.

    We offer several special packages, but the one I think the one you might be interested in is the Authentic Cherokee Warrior Weekend. For $325.99 for the weekend, you and a companion will get a room, full access to the resort and casino, a special headdress, face paint and — perhaps most importantly for you — an authentic “I’m a Ted’s Cherokee Warrior” certificate and t-shirt. For an extra $25, we can upgrade you to the “chief” package, which includes priority access to the buffet reserved for the tribe’s most revered sages.

    Remember, everything at Cherokee Ted’s Resort and Casino is tepee-riffic. Hope to see you here soon!

    Best,

    Chief Ted “Tomahawk Teddy” O’Connell
    CEO and Founder
    Cherokee Ted’s Resort and Casino