I'm not a golfer but was laughing out loud reading these. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck. It is surprisingly easy to hole a 30 foot putt. For a 10. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut. It's not a gimme if you're still away. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the centre of a very large tree. You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove. Hazards attract; fairways repel. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours. If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at10:00am to mow the grass. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game. Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you spend longer praying than you would do in church. If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life. Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week. It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse)... It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, smoke cigars and eat hot dogs when you are performing Brain Surgery !!!!
Bill, Posts must be getting slow here on the Skybox! :lol: I thnk most of us who have played golf, can appreicate those little gems!
Way too close to the truth Bill!!! You bowlers have no idea how easy you have it!! Never a windy day on the lanes, no trees or water between you and the pins, etc!
All so true....damned funny. One of the last times I played at Oakland Hills north of Detroit I was stroking the ball very well on the front nine and had played a beatitful short iron shot up in to #8 on the front nine in regulation. That's when the friggin siren sounded for T-storm warning. We putted out on the 8th green and proceeded directly to the clubhouse and on the way down the 9th fairway my hair literally stood on it's end as a lightning bolt shot horizontally and dangerously close to where we were. Lot's of truisms going on there Bill.