Out on the golf course with his wife, the husband says, "Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me." His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed, and everything was fine until they got to the seventeenth tee. As the husband was starting his back swing his wife blurted out, "I'm sorry darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me your news. Since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also: 32 years ago I had a sex change operation. I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me." The husband froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on hers. He screamed and ranted, "You liar! You cheat! You despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies tees!"
Guy gets home a couple of hours late from his regular Sat. foursome... Wife asks "where have you been?" "Honey, I'm so sorry...the other guys all took off right away instead of going in for a beer like we usually do, so I went to the bar by myself...this cute little blonde was there and asked me to buy her a drink...I figured why not, it's a harmless thing to do, but one thing led to another and she ended up asking me back to her place...I'm so sorry it happened...it's the first time I ever did anything like that...it meant nothing...it will never happen again, I promise you." Wife says "Don't give me any of that crap...you played another nine holes, didn't you!!" stu
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"
I always shoot in the 70's....anything warmer than that, I go back to the clubhouse. .....Fuzzy Zoeller.....
Guy's wife is standing off to the side a bit but he shanks his tee shot and hits her in the head and kills her. Medical Examiner talks to the guy and says "I though you said you struck her in the head..." He confirms that yes, he did. "Well then where did that golf ball stuck in her rectum come from?" "Uh, see...that was my Mulligan." stu (these are all old jokes...anybody know any new ones? I must confess that I don't.)
POSTED AT LOCAL GOLF CLUB 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANY ONE 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, PLEASE LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU 8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS 9. QUIET PLEASE...... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO 10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES 11. VERY GOOD. NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF Contributed by