Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Nebraska.... If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Nebraska. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Nebraska. If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Nebraska. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Nebraska. If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of GRAND ISLAND for the weekend, you live in Nebraska. If you measure distance in squares of farm land, you live in Nebraska. If you know several people who have hit a cow more than once, you live in Nebraska. If you have gone from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Nebraska. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Nebraska. If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in Nebraska. If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Nebraska. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Nebraska. If the I-80 speed limit is 75 mph -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you live in Nebraska.. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Nebraska. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Nebraska. If you have more hours on your snow blower than miles on your car, you live in Nebraska. If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Nebraska. If you understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Nebraska friends & others, you actually have lived in Nebraska.
Jeff Foxworthy, on Ohio: You may be from Ohio (pronounced O-hi-uh) if : 1. You snicker when someone's from Tiffin, because you think of the Tiffin State Hospital. 2. You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange! 3. You've heard of 3 - 2 beer. 4. Schools close for the state basketball tournament (deer season too). 5. You're proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point. 6. You know all the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction 7. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university. 8. You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones. 9. "Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means south." 10. You've heard of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot. 11. You know if other Ohioans are from southern or Northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths. 12. You root for a college team though you've never taken a class there. 13. You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati. 14. You always visit more than two amusement parks in one summer. 15. You know that Serpent Mounds were not made by snakes. 16. You know what game they're playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers. 17. "Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point or King's Isaland. 18. You measure distance in minutes. 19. Down south to you means Kentucky. 20. Your school classes were canceled because of cold. 21. Your school classes were canceled because of heat. 22. You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way. 23. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 24. You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July. 25. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" 26. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 27. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. 28. You carry jumper cables in your car. 29. You know what 'pop' is. 30. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 31. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow 32. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown. 33. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports. 34. You think that deer season is a national holiday. 35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
I don't know if these came from Foxworthy or not but You know you are from Florida if ou own at least five pairs of flip flops You know someone who's been struck by lightning You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators Your backyard is sometimes a swamp You're officially sick of Disney You shrug off hurricane warnings You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos There are only two seasons - hot and hotter You've drank a flaming alligator. "Down South" means Key West "Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.