1. Florida: We only touch on them briefly. But that's still enough time for Shanoff to rub one out to Tebow. 2. Texas: Their students ride on top of dorm elevators. Morons. 3. Oklahoma: Hicks. 4. USC: Douchebags. 5. Alabama: Double hicks. Saban makes secretaries cry, apparently. 6. Ohio State: Ohio. 7. Virginia Tech: Spencer calls Beamer's burn marks "Jenkins". 8. Mississippi: Look who's ranked way too high! 9. Oklahoma State: Spencer declares them the most overrated team in college football. T. Boone Toone P. Wiggins won't be pleased. 9. (tie) Penn State: Salamander eaters. 11. LSU: Cajuns get far too much credit for having zesty personalities. 12. California: Improperly branded. You're f%cking Berkeley and you'll like it. 13. Georgia: I thought LAST year was when they were supposed to be decent. 14. Boise State: Secretly harboring Mormons. 15. Georgia Tech: Poindexters. 16. Oregon: Hideous uniforms. Even more hideous defense. 17. TCU: Shockingly likable. Their fans get very drunk. I approve. 18. Florida State: Corso is Bowden's pegboy. 19. Utah: Definitely harboring Mormons and their child farms. 20. Brigham Young: Ditto. 21. North Carolina: Butch Davis: Honorary ginger kid. 22. Iowa: Won't eat the rice side of Crispix. 23. Notre Dame: Like you need a reason. F%CK YOU IN THE SHAMROCK. 24. Nebraska: Very nice people. TOO nice. Molester nice. 25. Kansas: You knew Mark Mangino was fat. But did you also know he's kind of an asshole?